I Have Some New Enemies....

Some kids that live right across the street from me have started a band. I should have seen it coming, really. How long could we have been the only game in town?

It started some point over this summer, my recollection wasn't completely crystal, therefore the exact time that I first noticed the banging I can't quite put my finger on. But one day I did hear it; the birth of a shitty drummer. There was the sound of muffled crashes and snare drums, slow, embarrassingly offbeat fills, shifting, changing beats without rhyme or reason. And thus it began.

Some weeks later I first heard the addition of a second instrument to this mess. I began to hear the sounds of a thin, trebley guitar over the din of those talentless drums. Upon the addition of this new threat plaguing our gentle eardrums, my friend Karl and I dragged my amp out to the front stoop, plugged in and played some improvised front stoop blues. With Austin holding it down on the mouth organ (harmonica for the uninitiated) and Karl on guitar I sang a song of Mexican food gone bad:

I could have a burrito,
I could have had a quesedilla,
But I had a bad taco
Now I've got diarrhea

Yes, I really am quite clever aren't I? Anyway, we claimed our victory and drank our beers in celebration. Where were their beers you may ask? Losers don't get beers.

But alas, our victory was short lived. Now this rag tag bunch of moppets (I assume them all to have their hair in disheveled mop-tops that flow wildly as they twitch and bob their heads as is so popular with these "beat groups" of today)has added a screechy, worbly lead singer to howl over their unexciting, amateurish clatter. (I have no problem with amateurish clatter, as I do it often myself, but please, give me EXCITEMENT AND DANGER!)Now this all fine and good. These kids are just starting out on their road to local obscurity and poorly recorded demos, house shows and maybe even a 7-inch that they will lose money putting out, and that's all well and good, but, the real crux of the problem is this: They play "American Music" by the Violent Femmes at their rehearsals somewhere between 10 and 30,432,122 times per practice. And it's my favorite Violent Femmes song.

Well, at least it was.

First they come into my hood, where I am the reigning king of rock n roll, and try to usurp my throne. Next, they set about a campaign of psychological warfare by ruining one of my favorite songs. Oooh, they have no idea what I have in store for them. I'm going to steal their guitarist (the only member of the band who doesn't suck) and we're going to start an amazing garage rock band, he's going to get addicted to heroin and then the band will implode. For the other two, well I'm just going to fuck their girlfriends. And then I'm going to steal all their equipment.

That'll show 'em.

-Jon J

What happened to Change?

In November 2008 the American people elected Barack Obama to office on a platform of hope and change. It's now almost September of 2009 and little has changed and people are losing hope(at least they should be).

One of the key points of Obama's campaign was the issue of fixing America's broken health care system. The mixed public-private health care system that we use in this country is the single most expensive in the world, medical debt is the number one cause of personal bankruptcy in the United States. The cost of health care for a single person is higher than any other nation in the world.

When confronting the issues facing health care reform in the 2008 elections Barack Obama campaigned with a platform of Universal Health Care. If you were to believe the promises made during the campaign, Obama wanted to create a system in which, through the creation of the National Health Insurance Exchange, both private insurance plans and a government run option. People would have health care regardless of the status of their health, and premiums would not vary based on that health status. Adults would not be required to have health insurance, but parents would be required to provide health insurance for their children. Obama's proposal included implementing guaranteed eligibility for affordable health care for all Americans, paid for by insurance reform, reducing costs, and requiring employers to either furnish meaningful coverage or contribute to a new public plan. In July 2008 while campaigning Obama promised to "bring down premiums by $2,500 for the typical family." Sounds great, but is Obama doing what he promised?

Well, not really. As of August 2009 our President has seemed to totally forgotten about his earlier promises. The bill currently on the congressional floor, supported by President Obama, would require all employers and individuals to buy health insurance or pay a penalty as well as removing the option for a public health care system from insurance choices. This doesn't exactly sound like what Obama was talking about on the campaign trail.

Now, I may get jumped for saying this, but it's times like this that I wish Barack Obama was more like George W. Bush. Now hold on a second before storming out and never reading this blog again. There wasn't anyone who was more anti-Bush than me in those dark, dark years. The man was an imbecile, war mongering coke head who believed that he was on a mission from god. These are not the qualities that one should look for in a leader. Obama is pretty much the exact opposite of Bush in almost every way possible. Obama is intelligent, thoughtful and well spoken. He's someone who takes his time and ways his options carefully. But he's also kind of a pussy.

If George W. Bush had one quality that can be respected it's the fact that he stuck to his guns. He never wavered, always pushed his agenda (or Cheney's agenda, or whatever corporate agenda) forward without doubt that he was right. We could use a little more of that attitude from Obama right about now. The compromises that Obama has made in regards to health care reform are gigantic, from promising us all Universal Health Care while campaigning to now basically more of the same bullshit that we've always had in this country. It's times like these that require strong leadership, but instead we've been left with a weak-willed president who doesn't want to offend anyone.

Alright Barack, I see through you now. You're not the bastion of hope and change that you promised in the election. You're just another politician who's unwilling to take a strong stand when it's important. You've broken promises, you've waffled and flip-flopped and shown your true colors. I'm sick of politicians. At the very least George W. Bush never gave a fuck what anyone thought about him or his actions. Not congress, not the voters or the rest of the world. Take a page from his book and grow a pair.

That's all.

-Jon J

The Necessity of the Enemy Or Don’t Be a Goddamn Hippie

Can’t we all just get along?

No. Of course we can’t. What a preposterous notion. Why the hell would we want to anyway? I have no desire at all to make nice with a bunch of squares and inbreds. Fuck ‘em. I know, I know, everyone should be treated like you want to be treated blah blah fucking blah, but in the reality is that’s just not going to happen.

And it shouldn’t. Here’s why:

Having an enemy, an obstacle, is a catalyst. It crystallizes what it is that you are for by defining what it is that you’re against. If you are pro-life, than you’re anti-abortion. It’s plain and simple. The idea of trying to find some kind of consensus, to try to make some kind of peace, when the two sides are diametrically opposed is ludicrous. Sometimes there can be no middle ground and that’s the way it should be. The middle ground is for pussies that are afraid of “offending” some section of the populace. Fuck them and fuck the populace, if I know I’m right and the majority of people are wrong, well than now the majority of the people are my enemy and my life has meaning.

Yeah, that’s right. Having an enemy gives your life meaning.

After a night of heavy drinking I recently allowed one of my friends, who was just as drunk as I was, to tattoo the mark of the beast, 666, on my back. This is symbolic. I don’t believe in Satan as an actual entity, I don’t pray to him or sacrifice babies in hopes that he will grant me some kind of magical evil powers. It is instead a statement about my adversarial relationship with Christianity. I think that Christianity has been responsible for much more harm than good if you look at the whole of human history. Christianity, and indeed almost all organized religions, acts as control on the masses. It is the inhibitor, the authority figure that stands there ready to punish you if you step out of line. They are my enemy. (On a side note, but one that I think is very important to point out, I have no problem with people who actually follow the teaching of Christ as he intended [Outside of the fact that I think belief in any kind of ancient mythology is childish] Christ taught people to be decent to each other, to take care of one another. I defer to Ghandi on this note: “I like your Christ, but he is so unlike your Christians.” I have a problem with the institutions of Christianity and their influence on society)

I don’t want to be everybody’s friend. I want to have relationships with people who I find value in, people who have something to offer. This is why I don’t associate with yuppie pricks who are concerned with money and vanity. Quality is more important than quantity, and so I eschew any idea of “getting along with everybody”. It’s like having a racist friend and justifying it with some bullshit like “well I grew up with the guy” or “he’s just a product of his environment”. No, he’s a prick and you’re a prick for defending him.

He can fuck off and die. He is my enemy.

If I’m going to summarize what I’m trying to say it would go something like this: You can take your hippy-dippy bullshit notions of good vibes and peace and harmony and shove them directly up your ass. If you stand for nothing you fall for anything. I’m not going to sit back and just go with the flow; I will paddle up-river as hard as I can just to show all you turds that it can be done.

“If you’re bored and listless, you just need to get yourself an enemy.”

- Jack Terricloth

And fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.