I Don't Like Toys That Create Paradoxes

Do you see this? You do, ok, good you've passed the vision test for this portion or our exam. Now examine the image closely and see if you can tell me why this toy shouldn't exist. Go ahead.

Alright, pencils down. Turn in your papers up front.

Here is the problem with this seemingly harmless child's toy. This toy creates a paradox. What's a paradox you ask? Well, let's look it up:

par·a·dox
1: a tenet contrary to received opinion
2 a: a statement that is seemingly contradictory or opposed to common sense and yet is perhaps true b: a self-contradictory statement that at first seems true c: an argument that apparently derives self-contradictory conclusions by valid deduction from acceptable premises
3: one (as a person, situation, or action) having seemingly contradictory qualities or phases

You know, it's basically the old time travel problem of going back in time and killing your father before you were born. If you go back in time and kill your father before you're born than who went back in time if you never existed type deal. You get the picture.

Alright, good, so we're all on the same page now, right? Now, I'm going to assume that everyone has at least some base knowledge in regards to the Hulk. Dr. Bruce Banner was exposed to a large amount of Gamma radiation, and as a result of the radiation he transforms from a mild-mannered scientist into the raging goliath that is the Hulk whenever he gets angry.

Wait a sec, what was that last part? He changes into the Hulk whenever he gets angry.

So how the hell can Hulk be smiling and be Hulk at the same time?

Well, that can't really happen can it? It's a paradox.

Ok, I get it. It's supposed to marketed to little kids, like real little kids in the 3-6 age range. Fine, that's cool and what not, get them hooked early and all that jazz. But it's the goddamn motherfucking Hulk we're talking about here people! The entire basis of the character is that when Dr. Banner gets angry he becomes the Hulk! If you want to make some kind of child friendly version of the character it should be a guy in a lab coat wearing a pair of purple pants! It makes no sense, and it pisses me off, a lot. I care about the proper representation of my comic book heroes a lot more than I care about our shitty economy or North Korea or whatever else everyone has their panties in a twist over at any given point in time. Hulk cannot be happy and be Hulk at the same time!

So thanks Hasbro, for giving me a giant fucking headache.

That's all for now.